Hello and welcome to the blog of one crazy mom!

Here I want to share about my life, my struggles and successes, the brighter pieces of my life's mosaics and the darker ones, too. They all are a part of the masterpiece God is working on, it just takes time to see a bigger picture.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Closed doors...

"With God are wisdom and might; 
 he has counsel and understanding.
 If he tears down, none can rebuild; 
 if he shuts a man in, none can open.
 If he withholds the waters, they dry up; 

 if he sends them out, they overwhelm the land."   (Job 12:13-15 ESV)

Have you ever felt like constantly hitting a closed door? Or like having the work of your many hours/days/years fall to pieces in a blink? I've been there so many times. And every time I'd wonder what went wrong. Every time I'd stand there puzzled, asking God why.

Even recently when my husband lost his job in Virginia and then was able to find another one in California, I was like, WHY? We had just settled in in our house in Woodbridge, and our life was finally starting to take shape. Moving across the  continent would definitely tear down what we had just built.

In my life there were many instances of closed doors and wasted efforts. None of them felt good. At least for a while. However, with time I was able to recognize them as those "ugly" pieces of mosaics I so disliked but which God used to build a grand picture:

- When after months of preparations and large sums of money paid to tutors I couldn't get to the university due to an unfair exam results, I hardly knew then that this failure would lead me to the Bible College which became my second home and ultimately made a way to a wonderful job and later to a great marriage;

- My broken engagement before I had met Illya seemed to also break my heart (mostly, because I so trusted God to lead me in this relationship and prevent me from mistakes), but later on it proved to be more than just a relationship, rather a training course for my future ministry with children and youth. How grateful I was for the lessons learned during that engagement!

Lost jobs, shattered dreams, missed opportunities are all those doors that often God allows to close on us. Sometimes He tears down things we tried so hard to build. Sometimes He "imprisons" us in certain circumstances. Sometimes He withholds the waters and lets us walk through the desert. But "He has counsel and understanding", "with God are wisdom and might". In His book were written all the days ordained for us before any one of them yet came to be (Psalm 139:16). And He is the God who knows the plans he has for us, "plans" - He says, - "to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). 

Sometimes in His grace God will allow us to see a bigger picture and how the rough and dark pieces fit in to create a masterpiece He has in mind. Yet sometimes we just have to walk by faith, trusting God to take care of our mosaics. 

I still have a long way to go till I get to the point of more trust and less questions. I do know by now that God's work is never done in me and He will be faithful to complete it in me. So I'll let the Master take care of his masterpiece in my life. I'm sure I'll be impressed when He lets me take a look at the final result...

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